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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990749">Just One-Part III</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimerical1975/pseuds/Chimerical1975'>Chimerical1975</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, F/M, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Trust Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:02:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,438</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990749</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimerical1975/pseuds/Chimerical1975</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The heartbreaking events of Demons leave Mulder vulnerable and broken.  But Mulder and Scully take a stand against the odds. This trilogy of stories begins in the Winter of 1996, following Paper Hearts, Leonard Betts, Never Again and into the spring with Demons.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just One-Part III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The line that begins Part III was in the Demons script, but was inexplicably cut from the broadcast version. My understanding is that it still appears in some of the closed-captioned versions.  My thanks, as always, to Mindy for her Paramedic expertise on medical matters. </p><p>Chimerical1975@gmail.com<br/>Comments, questions, discussion, and criticisms always welcome.<br/>Originally Published: April, 1998<br/>The X-Files, its characters and situations are the property of 1013 Productions and Fox Broadcasting.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Mulder family summer home</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>Quonochontaug, Rhode Island</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>April, 1997</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"I'm so tired. I need to know, Scully--I just need to know."</p><p>Mulder's voice was drained, his disheartened plea softly spoken from within the shelter of his arms where he'd hidden his face from her as he knelt on the floor. Scully moved quickly to kneel next to her overwhelmed partner. She slid her arms around him and laid her head against his back, sheltering him with her strong presence. "I'm so tired, Scully," he whispered again.</p><p>"I know Mulder," she said as she felt him tremble against her. "I know."</p><p>Just then, the local police, having heard the shots that Mulder had fired, burst into the room with guns drawn. Scully surged to her feet, holding out her hand to stave them off, standing over Mulder to protect him from them. "He's put his weapon down--he's unarmed," she said bending down and quickly retrieving Mulder's gun from the floor to hand it over to them. "Get the paramedics in here."</p><p>Scully turned and knelt back down next to her partner, taking his hand. "I'm going to take care of you, Mulder," she whispered in his ear. "You go ahead and rest." Mulder's only response to her promise was a momentary tightening of his fingers against hers. A moment later, he cried out in agony and put his hands up to his head. He began to shiver violently as his brain went into another storm of pain and seizure. Scully held Mulder gently and turned to scream for the paramedics again just as they chose that moment to come through the door.</p><p>Within minutes, Mulder was loaded into the ambulance and Scully sat with him during the seemingly endless ride to the closest hospital. The devastating seizure had passed, but it left him weakened and even more disoriented than before. Scully knew that the Ketamine was a fast-acting drug; its effects would leave Mulder's system within a few hours. When they reached the hospital, he was placed in a dark quiet room because that was about the only treatment available with this type of hallucinogen. There was not much more they could do for him except keep him calm, keep noise and distraction to a minimum, then wait it out as they monitored him. The seizures, probably caused by the electrical stimulation administered by Dr. Goldstein and aggravated by the drug would likely pass also. However, their damage, if any, to Mulder's nervous system was unknown yet.</p><p>Another seizure occurred at the hospital, and more pain. And all Scully could do was watch his torment. Finally, around 3am Mulder fell into the deep exhaustive sleep that so often follows a seizure episode and Scully knew he'd be out for hours. Throughout the rest of the night and all the next day, Scully had to deal with the all the phone calls, statements, interviews, and paperwork necessary to bring this case to a close. As she always had, she tried to protect Mulder as best she could from the ramifications of his actions. She explained that while Mulder had voluntarily gone to Dr. Goldstein for help in recovering lost memories, he'd become a victim of Goldstein's unethical practices--just as Amy Cassandra had. It was her medical opinion that the combined effect of the drug and the electrical brain stimulation had caused him to not think clearly and his actions were not his own as evidenced by the fact that he'd even returned for another dangerous treatment.</p><p>A major obstacle was Mulder's discharge of his weapon; it couldn't be taken lightly. Scully insisted that she'd never feared for her life and that the situation had never been out of her control. She never mentioned that he'd very deliberately turned the gun upon her at one point. In Scully's view of the world not telling the entire truth was just about the same thing as a lie. But if she had her way, only she and Mulder would ever know that they'd come very close to ending their lives in a murder-suicide, just as David and Amy Cassandra had.</p><p>But the good-old-boys club worked in Scully's favor. The local authorities didn't seem overly anxious to bring charges against a fellow law enforcement officer. After much conference among themselves, calls to Assistant Director Skinner, the local DA and Detective Curtis back in Providence, they all agreed that they had the true criminal in custody, Dr. Goldstein, and that no further action need be taken. Skinner did place Mulder on leave until he was officially cleared of any wrong doing in the deaths of the Cassandras, but that would just be a matter of paperwork. Once again, Mulder had escaped serious damage to his career and even his freedom.</p><p>But Scully was far more concerned about the serious damage to his psyche, for this had been a major failure for Mulder.</p><p>Finally, after having finished her last report and now free of all the other demands, Scully entered Mulder's room in the early evening. She'd never been far from Mulder's side and had watched over his care closely as she'd worked through the day. He'd been asleep for well over 15 hours now and she was grateful for that. He needed to rest his mind and body for as long as he could. He'd had no more seizures and all the monitors were finally showing normal functions.</p><p>She looked at her watch and realized that unlike Mulder, she'd had no sleep for well over 24 hours, closer to 36, and she sank wearily into the chair by his bedside to do as she'd so often had to do in past; wait. She'd been running on adrenaline but now she was weary to the bone. She considered going back to the hotel for just a moment but knew she wouldn't sleep there even if she did. She needed to be near Mulder. She leaned forward and folded her arms on the edge of his bed, laying her head on them, as she looked up at his handsome face, so young and boyish in repose. No one would ever guess the turmoil that went on behind those closed eyes.</p><p>But Scully knew and she closed her own eyes a moment. As she did so, she saw the image of the look on his face as he'd held the gun on her. He'd been so angry because he'd thought she was interfering and he'd nodded resolutely when she'd asked him if he intended to shoot her. But his expression had been desperate and sadly confused. Mulder had been very close to falling over the edge of control and she couldn't be sure what twisted-reality the drugs were causing him to experience.</p><p>But even so, she'd been strangely unafraid. Not because she didn't think Mulder would shoot her, that possibility had stared at her coldly. But she knew that Mulder trusted her to watch over him; knew that, in fact, he trusted her even above himself sometimes. That bond had been established long ago in that ice station in Alaska when they'd first been assigned together. They'd held each other at gunpoint; both caught in the grip of paranoia and fear as they'd stared each other down with wary eyes. But in a heartbeat their relationship changed forever because the man who trusted no one chose that moment to place his trust her and he quite literally put his life over into her hands as he lowered his gun first.</p><p>So once again, she'd asked him to do the same thing. She asked him to relinquish control to her. She'd watched as he trembled with the decision, his finger on the trigger. Then in the next moment, she saw the sad resignation enter his eyes as he gave in to her, knowing that she was right – this wasn't the way to his truth. He'd turned away and emptied the gun in bitter frustration before he lowered his head to the floor in defeat, knowing he'd lost once again.</p><p>Scully opened her eyes again and looked up into his finally peaceful face. She'd never been more worried about his state of mind. It was just as he had said; he was tired. The all-consuming struggle to understand his past, to find his way in the present was wearing him down both emotionally and physically. She knew that her own condition weighed heavily upon him as it did her. Over the last few months, he'd begun to make some serious errors in judgment. His personal truth continued to evade him, coming tantalizingly within his grasp only to scoot away and then laugh at him from afar. She wondered how he'd even managed to hang on to his sanity when he was pulled in so many different directions, told so many different truths so many different lies. He couldn't let it go and he couldn't find the answer. It was like the tattoo she now wore on her lower back; an eternal circle with no way out.</p><p>But he didn’t want out of the circle. In fact, he craved it and, in many ways, it was Mulder's resilience that she feared most. He would be back for more; she believed that without exception. He had an almost unearthly capacity to persevere.</p><p>But recently, everything seemed so wrong. In the last few months, it had seemed as though she and Mulder moved towards a place of new honesty where they'd found solace, comfort, and affection with each other. But lately it seemed they'd retreated from that place as quickly as they'd found it. They lost each other in the face of her illness and his increasing obsessions.</p><p>Of course, the whole Eddie Van Blundht thing hadn't helped matters. God, how could she have been so stupid, she wondered for the hundredth time. True, some tiny voice had nagged at her, told her things weren't adding up. Somewhere she'd known that if Mulder had finally taken it into his heart to seduce her it wouldn't have been so matter-of-a-factly transparent. Mulder was simply not capable of doing anything the easy or obvious way. No, she'd done exactly what she'd so often smugly accused Mulder of: seeing only and exactly what she wanted to see, even excluding the obvious answer.</p><p>The look on incredulous look on Mulder's face as he'd come through her door that night was something she still remembered. Then later, when Eddie told Mulder that he was a loser by choice, she'd known there was nothing she could do or say that could turn his belief that Eddie was right. Mulder had withdrawn into himself. She and she knew that mood well and anything further she said on the subject would have been interpreted as pity, the one thing Mulder hated. Since she now had better understanding of the dread of being an object of sympathy, she'd let it go, thinking that things would right themselves again as they always did when there was a breach between them.</p><p>Except this time, things hadn't righted, in fact, it had gotten worse. She bore some of that responsibility, she knew that now. When her diagnosis had been confirmed her anger at her illness had caused her deny its existence. even as she knew it would separate them eventually. She was not determined not to allow it to make her vulnerable. And if it didn't exist, it couldn't get to her.</p><p>And she hadn't wanted Mulder's attention to be born of pity or guilt or sense of duty and she'd felt all those things radiating from him. She didn't want him to feel there was something he could have done. So, she'd gone on with work and her life just as she had before, insisting that she was fine and that there was nothing to worry about. In short, she'd lied to Mulder.</p><p>Worse still, he knew it.</p><p>Mulder had been reserved in his manner towards her ever since she'd finally confessed that she'd seen the apparition of the recently murdered young woman on their last case. He'd known the import of that omen, knew that all who saw her were soon to die, and he'd been quietly angry with her for withholding that from him. She'd responded to that anger in kind, accusing him of just needing to be placated. But he'd refused to be thrown off the track by her baiting. Instead, he told her that she couldn't hide the truth from him, that he knew what she was afraid of.</p><p>Something about Mulder's ability to see right through her carefully constructed facade had disconcerted and feeling backed into a corner instead of turning to him as she really wanted, she lied. She'd hardly been able to look him in the eyes but she'd told him the doctors said she was going to fine. He hadn't believed her, but he'd just accepted her lie with sad eyes before turning away.</p><p>They'd parted on a cold note that night and a distance settled between them as they continued to work together, now merely polite strangers sharing an office and they were strained to the point of absurd civility. Even Mulder's passion, humor and enthusiasm for the work had been unnaturally subdued and though she saw him every day, she missed him desperately.</p><p>Then, unexpectedly he'd called her just last Friday night after she'd gotten home from the office. Just the sound of his voice, as warm as it had ever been, made her run flush with pleasure. On the surface the call had been about a clarification he needed for a case report; a stupid thing that could obviously have waited until Monday. After she'd answered his question, he'd made a bit of casual conversation, something that Mulder rarely did and frankly, wasn't very good at. He'd asked her what her plans were for the weekend and she'd told him the truth--she had no plans, and that she was just looking forward to taking it easy and doing nothing. There'd been a long pause and before she could say anything more, Mulder simply thanked her for her help, said he'd see her on Monday and hung up. The next that she'd heard from him was when he'd called her from that motel in Providence.</p><p>Scully moved the chair even closer to the bed, reached out and touched Mulder's hand tentatively. Even in sleep, he responded to her, tangling his fingers with hers. Her gaze moved slowly up his body and settled on his mouth noting, as she had a thousand times before, the beautiful shape of it, particularly his lower lip. She remembered the first time he'd kissed her and how it had made her feel.</p><p>She'd kissed Mulder just three times now and each touch was a separate and distinct memory. When she closed her eyes and concentrated, she could invoke the warm electric feeling and her stomach felt that thrill again. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and thought back to the night he'd held her against him as she'd cried out her fear and then that same steady rhythm had lulled her to sleep in his embrace. She'd next felt Mulder's arms around her when Penny Northern had died of the same thing that was killing her now. He'd pulled her so close against him in comfort in that hospital hallway. He'd confessed that he'd read some of her journal and his beautiful gaze tenderly spoke to her and although he hadn't said the words, he'd made her feel as safe and as loved as she'd ever felt before in her life.</p><p>That was also the last time Mulder had touched her so.</p><p>She longed now to complete their emotional journey while she still had time. She wanted him to know that she loved him and wanted to always be with him and she was so afraid that she was running out of time; afraid that she had been successful in pushing him away completely.</p><p>He hadn't asked her to go with him to see the Cassandras. It has been a personal matter that he excluded her from. But she couldn't bring herself to feel justification because she knew that he'd felt excluded by her. She'd let him approach and then turned away. And now, there might always be a part of him that was closed off to her unless she reached back out to him now. This latest incident in Rhode Island only brought great sadness to her heart as she realized that, be she sick or well, Mulder now might never let her back into his own heart all the way. And she was selfish now; she wanted all of him, especially the parts he was the most reluctant to give.</p><p>They had to stop this insanity. Scully shifted on the uncomfortable chair, thinking about how many times they had been right here together, repeating the same awful patterns, hurting each other with reckless abandon. She closed her eyes again, exhaled a tired, heavy sigh, as she looked at the one reality, she wanted to look at the least; her own mortality. She knew she might only have a limited time left and did she really want to spend it doing this?</p><p>But as soon as that thought flowed through her mind, she let it go for she was already nodding yes. This was exactly how she wanted to spend her time, no matter what time she had left. The choice was entirely hers and she chose to be with him because Mulder fed her intellect, her heart and in many ways, her soul. She seriously doubted that he knew or understood the ways he did that but the situation was just as she'd confessed to her counselor in that last session; she'd come to depend on his passion, his strength, his enthusiasm. She fed off it, she craved it, and it made her feel alive. And God, she needed it now, as much as any addict needed their fix. Yes, she was angry and hurt now because he'd left her behind again. It was probably the same hurt and anger he'd felt when she'd looked at him and lied about her condition. She'd left him behind in her own way. And there was no denying that she stayed because she wanted to, because she loved him, because she loved the work. But they needed to break their pattern before it was too late.</p><p>But time was no longer on her side, no longer in her control. And along with all the hopes and dreams that she might not realize, she was also deeply concerned about Mulder. Who would watch over him? She worried about what would become of him if she were not there. It wasn't ego that fueled her concern, it came simply as the result of their experiences together over the years. It was the certain knowledge that she was just about the last anchor to reality in Mulder's increasingly insane life and she feared failing him. She knew that people who were dying made provisions for the care and nurture of the loved ones they left behind. But who would care for and watch over Mulder?</p><p>With profound sadness, Scully realized that the answer was that no one would and that truth brought tears to her eyes as she laid her head down on his bed as she began to formulate a plan.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>As Mulder opened his eyes and slowly emerged from his deep slumber, he wasn't quite sure where he was. Only some soft light entering through a narrow gap in the window curtains broke the dark of the room. The softness of the light suggested that it was very early morning, but he couldn't be sure. His thoughts were slow and foggy, his body ached, and his head throbbed painfully with each heartbeat. Turning his head gingerly, in the shadows of the dim light he saw Scully sitting in a chair next to him. She was slumped forward, her arms folded on the bed and her head resting on them. Her hair fell forward and obscured her face from him. Absurdly, his first thought was that she couldn't possibly be comfortable like that so he stretched out his hand to wake her. As he did so, he suddenly remembered that when he'd last reached out to her, he'd had a gun in his hand. Mulder's movement froze as he tried to clear his mind of sleep and put together the jumbled bits of the memory together with little success. Jesus Christ, what had he done to her now?</p><p>"Scully," he whispered urgently, needing to see her face. "Scully."</p><p>At the sound of his voice, Scully raised her head from her arms. Pushing her hair out of her face, she looked up at him and even in the darkness, she could see the pain and disorientation in his worried expression, the desperate concern in his eyes. She saw he was remembering when he'd last looked at her and she didn't want him to talk, she didn't want him wake up all the way or deal with his memories yet. That would come, but not now, he desperately needed rest. "I'm here, Mulder," she assured him in a soft voice. "Go back to sleep. It's too early to wake up yet."</p><p>Her answer didn't appease him, "Scully, are you, all right?" he asked, reaching out</p><p>"Of course, I'm all right, Mulder." Scully caught his fingers in hers and held them. "We both are. Now close your eyes again. I'm going to sleep some more too. I'll be right here." She laid his hand back on the bed and rested hers over it, then laid her head back on her arms. "Sleep Mulder". Relieved and reassured by her touch and her soft voice, Mulder obeyed as he closed his eyes and easily fell back into the darkness.</p><p>His anxiety relieved and reassured by her touch and soft voice, Mulder was all too willing to obey. He closed his eyes and easily fell back into the darkness.</p><p>The next time he awoke, the curtains were open and sun was bright in the room. But Scully was gone. He looked about in trepidation, thinking perhaps he'd only dreamed that she'd been there. But then he saw her familiar jacket tossed over the back of a chair and relaxed slightly. She was here, she was OK.</p><p>A nurse stood at the foot of his bed, scribbling something on his chart. As Mulder struggled to get his brain to put events in proper order the one thing he remembered for sure was that hated hospitals. He hated the look, hated the smells, but mostly he hated the reasons he always seemed to end up in one. He had to get out of here; he needed Sully get him out of here.</p><p>"Agent Scully--where is she?"</p><p>The nurse looked up, surprised that he was awake. "You mean, Dr. Scully?"</p><p>After a moment of confusion, Mulder nodded. It was always so strange to hear Scully's title; she almost never used it.</p><p>"She's just at the nurse’s station, I'll get her."</p><p>The nurse left the room and within moments, Scully pushed open the door. Mulder noted how tired she looked, but she smiled when their eyes met. She crossed the room and pushing the chair aside, she sat on the edge of his bed and took his hand. "Good Afternoon Mulder," she said. "You finally decided to join us again." With her other hand, she brushed his hair off his face.</p><p>"Hi," was the only coherent thing he could think of to say return. He was just so pleased that she was all right, that she was touching him that his mind shut down a bit and he could only smile back at her as he held on to her fingers.<br/>"You've been asleep a very long time," she said, beating him to his first question. "But now that you're awake, we've got a few things to check you out on and if I'm happy with the results, I'll get you sprung from here. But you're not going anywhere until I'm sure. So, cooperate with me Mulder and it might be later this afternoon sometime, OK?"</p><p>Mulder nodded with no argument. He had questions to ask and things to say but they would wait, she was going to get him out of here. Scully was going to take him home. For the next few hours, he patiently endured the tests, the neurological exam by the specialist, the poking, prodding, and questions. He was visited by the local police and received a call from Skinner where he learned that once again, Scully had saved his ass and his job.</p><p>Late that afternoon Scully came in with his chart and announced that after having reviewed all the results and having conferred with the resident neurologist, it looked like he could be released. Mulder sighed in relief, certainly at the news that his neurologicals seemed OK, but mostly over the fact that he could just get the hell out of there.</p><p>"So, we can go home now, Scully?" he asked as she wrote something on his chart.</p><p>She shook her head as she finished her note. "Not going back to Washington just yet," she answered, not looking up from what she was writing. "I'm going up to Martha's Vineyard to a place I know there, down time is needed."</p><p>Mulder stared at her downcast profile with deep disappointment, although he didn't blame her a bit, he could certainly understand why she'd need some time away. Time away from him. Hell, he could use time away from him. "That's great, Scully," he told her softly as he picked at some lint on the blanket. "You deserve some days without drama, If I can just get the hell out of here, I can get back on my own just fine."</p><p>Hearing his assumption, Scully smiled. She'd been doing some thinking and an idea had come to her last night. Only time would tell if it were a good idea or a bad idea. She set his chart aside and came to him, sitting down on the bed. "Mulder, I meant the both of us need down time. Don't you want to come with me, Mulder?"</p><p>He did. Oh God yes, he did. The idea of being alone with Scully without the insulation of being on a case or chasing down some elusive malfeasance was both enticing and frightening. but oh God, he just wanted to be anywhere she was. He wondered if her suggestion was just a pleasant trip to the beach, for a few days of diversion because she felt sorry for him or if it was an invitation to something more, a chance to get back on the road they'd been on once. He should just ask her. That would be the obvious thing, the simple thing. Somehow though, even just asking seemed presumptuous and he couldn't afford to be wrong here.</p><p>Scully saw his hesitation. She knew he was confused about what she was offering, but that was OK; so was she in a way. She hoped to God that he didn't ask because she certainly wasn't going to be able to clarify it for him, she thought ruefully.</p><p>"Mulder, do you want to come with me?" she asked again, this time with a smile.</p><p>He nodded slowly. "Yes, very much."</p><p>Scully nodded in return. "Good."</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>They checked Mulder out of the hospital early that evening and were soon on their way. Scully already had Mulder's bag from the hotel in the trunk and she always kept an overnight bag in the car. Anything else they needed they could pick up; it wasn't like they were heading off to the to the deepest Amazon jungle. The trip to Woods Hole, Massachusetts was uneventful other than the fact Scully drove and Mulder had that guy-thing going over not having anything to do during the two and a half-hour drive from Quonochontaug.</p><p>He was quiet and didn't seem interested in talking much, but he fidgeted in the car until Scully finally looked over and asked him if he wanted her to stop and get some coloring books to keep him occupied. That finally had brought a smile to his face and he promised to be good. By the time they'd reached Woods Hole the next ferry was leaving at 10:45pm and they boarded the boat for the 45-minute trip to Martha's Vineyard. As the large ferry left port, they made their way up to the bow. Because it was off-season, there weren't many people about and side by side, they both leaned their elbows on the railing and looked out over the water as the mainland slipped away under the full moon.</p><p>Mulder watched Scully surreptitiously. He noticed that she turned her face towards the breeze to enjoy it as it lifted and tossed her hair about. He loved that about her, the fact that she always turned towards the adventure instead if away from it. Others on the ferry had gone scurrying inside from the spray and the wind and the roughness, clutching clothes and hair as though they'd be contaminated if anything that even remotely resembled nature touched them. But Scully wanted to get closer to the exhilaration and he sensed again, the quiet passion in her and wondered when he would know it fully. She smiled at the sensation and closed her eyes.</p><p>God, he loved her.</p><p>When he looked at her as she was now, so vibrant, and beautiful, Mulder would forget for a moment that her life was in eminent danger. But then, he'd remember and the anger would come, the rage that there wasn't one Goddamned thing that he could do to protect her, help her, save her.</p><p>Mulder drew in a sharp breath at the pain he always felt in his gut at the thought of being separated from her. Jesus God, what was he going to do?</p><p>Scully turned back to him. "Are you OK with this Mulder?" she asked, misunderstanding the serious look on his face.</p><p>He nodded. Mulder knew Scully was concerned about his turbulent memories associated with their destination, she'd mentioned it in the car on drive up here. "It's OK Scully," he assured her again, covering quickly. "I have a lot of good memories of this place. I loved it here when I was a kid, it was my home."</p><p>"My father loved the Vineyard too," she said as she gave a wistful smile at a fond memory. "Year after year, he used to haul us all up there on the much-dreaded family vacations. I was always sure I was going to hate it and then much to my surprise I always loved it."</p><p>Mulder gave her a small grin. "Ah, a skeptic even as a child."</p><p>Scully raised an eyebrow at him. "You can say it Mulder; I've been a pain-in-the-ass from way back," she said drolly. "I was annoying my father with questions long before you ever had to start putting up with me."</p><p>Lucky man, Mulder thought. "Yeah, I don't know how I've ever put up with you for so long," he said repeating the words he'd spoken to her so long ago. Scully smiled, clearly remembering also and turned her face away to look back out over the ocean.</p><p>Mulder wondered about the young Scully and tried to imagine what kind of girl she'd been. He wondered too, about her father, Captain William Scully. He knew from personal experience what a remarkable woman Scully's mother was kind, strong-willed and compassionate, like her daughter. But he'd never known the man who'd been such an influence on his partner, the man whose death she'd mourned so deeply. "I wish I'd met your father, Scully."</p><p>Scully turned back to look at him. "I wish you had too, Mulder," she said. "He would have liked you."</p><p>Mulder couldn't help but give a dubious laugh at that comment. But Scully shook her head. "No, Mulder. My father was a strong, stubborn man of honor and integrity. He would have liked you. One wolf recognizes another," she said with a knowing smile.</p><p>Mulder suddenly blinked and had to look away from her. His heart became full at her words and he was deeply touched by Scully's compliment for he knew she held her late father in the highest esteem. But within moments though Mulder's reality demon brought it all back to earth. What she'd just said meant the world to him. It was just too bad he didn't deserve it.</p><p>"I doubt he would have appreciated the fact that I pulled a gun on his daughter just three days ago," he said tightly.</p><p>Scully sighed; she’d hoped so that he wouldn't remember all of that just yet. Mulder had such a damned inconvenient memory sometimes. But she could play this spitting contest too. "Well, I doubt that he would have been proud of me for doing the same thing Mulder," she told him. "I'm sure my mother wasn't."</p><p>He looked over at her in puzzlement.</p><p>"Remember Mulder? She stood in front of you; she protected you from me because she saw in you what my father would have seen. She knew you hadn't betrayed me. She knew that you hadn't done any of the things I accused you of." Scully looked down at her clasped hands as she leaned on the railing, shaking her head. "She did it because she knew I was seeing the wrong truth when I turned on you."</p><p>Mulder leaned towards her. "Scully, that wasn't your fault," he said slowly, amazed to discover that she still might carry some guilt over that long ago incident. Jesus, after his trip to the morgue, he'd been so grateful to find her alive he hadn't cared about anything else. "You'd been influenced. I knew you were seeing the wrong truth. I never blamed you."</p><p>She looked up and caught his direct gaze as she nodded slowly in agreement. "I know that, Mulder,"" she said evenly, willing him to make the correlation. After a moment, he begrudgingly conceded her point with a slight nod of his head. After that, they were quiet together a long time as they watched the sea slide by under the full moon. Scully turned and looked to the back of the boat just in time to see the mainland lights disappear and a new thought struck her. "I just thought of something--you grew and she turned back to him. "Was it odd Mulder, growing up on an island and then going back to the mainland for vacation, instead of the other way around. Did that ever seem strange?"</p><p>He grinned a bit. "You gotta remember Scully, in the Mulder clan, 'strange' is a relative term. And yeah, I suppose it was odd."</p><p>She laughed. "How long did you live on the Vineyard?"</p><p>Mulder turned and leaned his back against the railing, crossing his arms. "Until I was about 13. My parents divorced shortly after Samantha disappeared and my mother moved back to the mainland. I went with her. After that, it was pretty much just the occasional excruciating summer with my father until I went off to Oxford."</p><p>"Excruciating?"</p><p>Mulder looked down and kicked at an imaginary pebble on the deck. "Basically, it was six weeks of strained and polite conversation with a man who'd become a total stranger with a drinking problem." He raised his eyes to see Scully looking at him in understanding. He smiled a bit and tried to lighten the mood, "Let's just say I hung at the beach a lot and checked out the...tourists."</p><p>She tilted her head and gave him her Bemused Scully Look. "I bet you did, Mulder."</p><p>"Hey Scully, do you wonder if our paths ever crossed when we were young?" he asked, half-expecting a short dissertation on the size of the island, the number of summer tourists and the relative improbability of that possibility.</p><p>But much to his surprise, she nodded instead. "It's very possible Mulder," she said. "But I kind doubt you would have paid much notice to a short, skinny, flat-chested, book-worm with orange hair and freckles." She gave a small melancholy laugh. "Let's just say boys pretty much ran right by me and didn't even slow down the minute they saw Melissa."</p><p>Mulder had never heard her make such a self-disparaging comment. She'd always seemed so self-assured, so damn perfect, he thought affectionately. It'd never even occurred to him that she might have had the usual adolescent<br/>arms, pulling her against him in a deep hug as he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Because I would have stopped."</p><p>He felt, rather than saw, Scully's smile against his chest as she gave a small laugh. "Thank you, Mulder."</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>They reached the island shortly thereafter. The house Scully took him to was a beautiful little place and just as she'd described it in the car on the drive up. It belonged to her father's best friend. The house was empty now, its owner having retired from the Navy and moved to Florida with his wife now that his children were grown. But Bill Scully's family was always welcome there anytime. It was a simple place, probably first built in the 50's and quite literally on the beach. Many of the beaches on the Vineyard were private for residents only and the house was sitting on one of them.</p><p>As Scully pulled the car into the garage, Mulder took the bags in the house as he turned on the lights. There was a large living room with a fireplace and French doors that led out to a large deck built out over the sand. He walked through the house, noting there were three bedrooms, a large master bedroom off the living room that overlooked the beach and two smaller ones on the other side.</p><p>He stood there a moment, as he still hadn't quite figured out the whole bedroom thing. He placed the bags on the living room floor by the fireplace and opened the French doors that led out on to the large deck built over the sand. Across the deck and a single step down, it was a short walk across the sand to the water's edge. The tall grasses grew through the sand and the lights of the next house were a good distance away.</p><p>Mulder stood on the deck and listened to the sea, the clear crisp breeze on his face made him feel alive almost the way Scully's touch did. It was beautiful and peaceful here and reminded him of all the reasons that he'd loved this place until the age of 12. He'd immediately felt at home and at ease in the small cottage. He knew it was because he was sharing the space with Scully, because she was close within his realm.</p><p>He heard Scully walk out behind him on the deck and he turned. They smiled awkwardly at each other and Mulder felt a strange combination of anticipation and apprehension. He nodded towards the beach, "I'm going to check out the water, wanna come?"</p><p>"Go ahead Mulder, I'm going to unpack our stuff. I'll catch up with you." Mulder looked at her as though he was about to say something, but then just nodded and stepped off the deck.</p><p>Scully watched him go and then turned and went back into the house, leaving the French doors open to bring in the crisp ocean air. She stared a moment at the bags sitting side by side next the fireplace where Mulder had abandoned them. She shook her head slowly as she argued with herself about why he may have left them there like orphans with no home. But she also the bag decision aside for a few moments while she busied herself with starting a fire in the gas fireplace. After a few moments, the warm glow filled the room and chased away the last of any stale air. She looked at the bags again.</p><p>Who would have ever thought that the placement of an overnight bag could become a life altering decision? She opened the large armoire and started to pull out the linens to make the bed. She hesitated a moment here too. Beds? Bed? She sighed and pulled out two large thick down comforters, pillows and sheets and stacked them on the couch where she just stared at them a moment.</p><p>This would be so simple if they were just other people, she thought, if she wasn't sick and he wasn't crazy.</p><p>Still, she wondered if she had the right to impose herself so on him. Did she have the right to be so selfish and ask him to love her when Mulder had every reason to keep his distance in a situation that could only cause him pain? But then again, he'd come with her; he could have just gone back to Washington if he hadn't wanted to be with her. He knew what was happening here. He knew what the question between them was. He was just waiting for her to ask it.</p><p>Earlier on the boat, when he'd drawn her against him, he'd created an almost unbearable hunger and need in her. She'd had just the merest taste of him before and now having been deprived of his touch for weeks, that simple embrace had caused a deep ache. But more than that, she wanted the emotional closeness between them back.</p><p>Her prideful stand about not wanting sympathy, didn't seem as important and the truth was that she didn’t have the time to squander on such nonsense. God, that was how pitiful she'd become; she no longer even cared if he did just feel sorry for her, as long as he was with her.</p><p>She picked up both bags and took them to the front bedroom, unpacked them quickly, made the bed, then went out to find Mulder and bring him home.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>As Mulder reached the water's edge, he looked back over his shoulder at the cottage. It was now late; the moon was bright and the house glowed with warmth. He stared at it for some time before he began to wander the water's edge, heading away from the house. What was he doing out here when all that he wanted was back there? Because you're a damn coward, he thought, answering his own question as he let out a derisive laugh. He'd stared down situations and creatures unimaginable to most and yet that slight redhead inside scared the shit out of him. She had the power to do him more harm than all the conspiracies or aliens put together.</p><p>And yet, here they both were. She'd asked him to come with her and he was here on a beautiful island in a lovely cottage with nothing but free time ahead with the woman he loved. If they were any other couple, they'd already have the fire going, the wine poured, the seduction made and be well on their way to quenching desires and crying each other's names out. But they weren't any other couple. They were Mulder and Scully and they fit no known category. If only she wasn't sick and he wasn't crazy.</p><p>Over the years, he'd tried to protect her as best he could from himself. Tried to keep her from becoming completely embroiled on his personal quest and yet when things went bad, as they so often did, he turned to her. It was unfair and he knew it. Yet, he'd always hoped that she would come to feel that she could turn to him as he did to her. And for a tiny window of time, it had even looked as though that hope might be realized.</p><p>But in the days and weeks that followed her confirmed diagnosis, she'd pulled away from him. The most crushing rejection had come just over a week ago when she'd looked him straight in the eyes and lied to him about her condition. She didn't want him involved. It had become painfully clear that Scully didn't need the things he could offer her--the love, comfort and care he wanted so much to give her. They were useless to her. What Scully needed a miracle and as fate would have it, he was just fresh out of those.</p><p>While his rational mind knew that the blame fell on the disease, his heart felt as though he'd failed her. He looked up at the stars and cursed the irony of all his efforts to keep her safe.</p><p>But still he was here. He just wasn't sure if he was here because she felt sorry for him or because she wanted him in her life. He deeply suspected the former because God knows his behavior of the last few days was enough to make her believe that he wasn't capable of taking care of himself. Eddie Van Blundt had called it. And that's how pathetic he'd become; a brave woman dying of cancer felt sorry for him. Jesus.</p><p>Mulder's mind began to sink into the familiar darkness as he sat down on a sand bluff. and waited for her to come to him.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>In the moonlight, Scully saw Mulder sitting on the bluff as he sat looking out over the endless black water. As she approached him, she noticed his tense posture. God, he's gone into that silent place, she thought. That's how well she knew him, she could tell simply by his familiar body language when Mulder had gone into that quiet self-punishment mode where he was hard to reason with, hard to reach. Sensing her presence as she drew near, he looked over his shoulder at her. Their eyes met and they gazed at each other openly and frankly, the way strangers sometimes will.</p><p>"Finish unpacking?" he asked way too casually.</p><p>"Yes," she nodded and fell into silence.</p><p>"Which bedroom did you take?" he asked after a moment more.</p><p>"The big one that overlooks the beach," she answered, knowing the next question.</p><p>"Which room am I in?"</p><p>Scully sat down next to him on the bluff and leaned her elbows on her knees, looking in the same direction as he did over the water. "The same," she answered softly. After a moment, she turned to see him regarding her silently. She couldn't read them for once.</p><p>"Scully why did you ask me to come here with you?" Mulder's voice had a slight edge to it.</p><p>In the face of his tone and direct question, Scully wavered. "You don't need to be in a hospital Mulder, but you shouldn't be alone for a while either and--"</p><p>That had been the wrong thing to say for now his eyes grew distant and her own words came back to haunt her. "I'm fine, Scully."</p><p>Choosing to ignore the subtle dig, Scully continued, “No, you're not Mulder. You've been through a heartbreaking disappointment. I know what your hopes were. I know how bitter the...setback was for you."</p><p>"You can use the word, Scully--failure." Mulder's voice was now darkly sarcastic.</p><p>Realizing that he was slipping away from her, Scully reached out and took his hand. "Mulder, I just want to be with you. "</p><p>God, he wanted her so badly and his pride was so tattered that he was tempted to take whatever she proffered. But one of Mulder's demon was determined to spoil it; the one that had lived inside him the longest. and held him in the tightest grip. The one that insisted that he was the kind of failure that even the Eddie Van Blundht's of the world pitied. The that never let him forget he was a futile object of ridicule and pity as he chased elusive truths, he'd failed his sister, and someday he would fail Scully. It was the demon whose voice was always the loudest in his head and made him do stupid things and say stupid things.</p><p>He extracted his hand from Scully's, pulling away from the touch he craved. "So, what is it you're offering here Scully--a little round of comfort sex for Special Agent Mulder? Isn't that a little above and beyond the call of duty partner-wise?"</p><p>Scully reared back at his callous sarcasm. Mulder saw her absolutely wounded, angry, look as her eyes filled with tears and she struggled to stop them. Seeing his partner struggle with his spiteful words cut through to his heart, killing the demon gripping it so tightly. He closed his eyes at the terrible sight. Jesus Christ, he'd made Scully cry, a new all-time low in his miserable life. Profoundly ashamed, he said the only words that came to mind, pathetic and inadequate though they were. "Scully, I'm sorry," he whispered as he reached towards her. "Please, God, I'm so sorry."</p><p>Not surprisingly, Scully recoiled from his touch and turned her face away, brushing her tears away angrily. She could tell remorse in his voice was genuine, that he truly was sorry and silently, she damned all of Mulder's demons that caused him to act in such a manner, caused him to assume the worst about himself. Professionally, he was confident, assured, even healthily arrogant. But personally, he was fucking mess.</p><p>"Go the Hell, Mulder" she shook her head sadly as she got to her feet. "I only wanted to love you-that was all," she said in a small voice, she turned and headed back up the beach to the house.</p><p>Oh God, what did he say to that? Mulder closed his eyes, bowed his head, and drew a shuddering breath. If Scully was smart, she would keep on walking out of his life as fast as she could. Please God. Please don't let her do the smart thing – just this once. He looked after her retreating figure as he rose to his feet. "Scully? Scully wait, please," he called, starting after her when she didn't show any sign of stopping. Mulder caught up with her just as she passed through the French doors into the house. "Scully, please."</p><p>She whirled back to face him, fury in her eyes in the second their eyes met before she looked down and away. "Why would you say something like that to me Mulder?" she demanded angrily.</p><p>She only stood a few feet away, but he didn't dare approach her. He stood in the doorway, afraid that if he came too close, she would turn and just keep walking. As he looked at her bowed head, he suddenly remembered the last time he'd felt this kind of shame. It was the night he'd had to tell his father that he'd let the woman they'd each thought was his sister die on that bridge, that he'd failed to protect her again. He'd never seen forgiveness in his father's eyes for that moment, he didn't expect to see any here.</p><p>"Scully, I swear to you, I didn't mean it and you sure as hell didn't deserve it." Suddenly, desperately, he needed to see Scully's eyes. "Scully, look at me," he implored her. "Please."</p><p>Finally, Scully lifted her eyes from the floor to meet his gaze and Mulder saw that even though her mouth was set and her eyes were wary, she was going to listen. She was going to give him another chance. God, she really must love him, the realization finally slapping him up aside the head. Because otherwise, why the hell else would she put up with this kind of shit?</p><p>As Scully looked at Mulder, he'd transformed. Gone was the pride, and before her stood a man overwhelmed with emotions he didn't seem to know how to process. This man so ill-prepared by his past to accept what she wanted so much to give him. Despite her hurt and anger, her heart went out to him. "Mulder, why punish me for loving you?" she asked him quietly.</p><p>Mulder's response was so miserably quiet that she hardly able to make it out. "I'm…angry...and I'm scared."</p><p>And suddenly she understood. He was angry for the same reasons she was. "Because I'm sick?" she asked gently.</p><p>There was a slight pause before nodded. "Yes." He looked at her. "I'm angry at the world because you're sick, Scully. I'm angry at myself because there's nothing I can do, I can't help you, I can't fix it." He paused and then finally voiced the selfish demon that had been tormenting him. "I may even be angry at you for even being sick. I'm scared and I'm angry at all of it.</p><p>The emotional dam was broken now and his words now came tumbling through. "Scully, every time I've ever needed you, you've been there--whether I was successful or I screwed up." Mulder gave a laugh of dark humor. "I even began to feel hopeful for the first time in a long while, the odds didn't seem so overwhelming." The laugh faded and he looked back to her, "But even so, I guess I never understood why you stayed. I was afraid to need you because in the back of my head there was always the fear that eventually, you'd come to your senses and move on in your career, leave the X-Files. Leave me, he added quietly. "But God, Scully, I never dreamed it would happen like this. Not like this."</p><p>He saw Scully, although listening, began to shake her head slightly. "Mulder, for God's sake, I didn't stay because I'm noble - I stayed because I'm selfish. I stayed because it's what I wanted for me, because I needed it - Because I needed you."</p><p>Mulder's eyes were solemn as he looked at her. "The same night you told me you were sick, you also told me that you'd always thought your future would include me and -- “He paused to gain control back over his voice. "You don't have any idea how much I wanted to hear that," he said finally, "You slept in my arms like a baby that night, Scully" he said softly, closing his eyes just briefly as though relieving that memory. "I was the one you called from the hospital and you said you needed me. I thought it was true, Scully, I really did. And it just broke my heart when you started to shut me out, when you began to lie to me."</p><p>Scully shook her head slowly and looked at him sadly, searching his eyes. "Oh Mulder," she said miserably. "You've got it all so wrong."</p><p>Mulder wanted to believe her more than anything, wanted so much to be wrong. "Do I Scully? Then why lie to me? Why make me feel that you don't want or need me? Why look me the eye and tell me that you're fine when I know damn well that you're not? Why not just tell me the truth?" His voice was tense.</p><p>Scully's frustration finally boiled over, “You want the truth Mulder? Well, the truth is I'm sick and you're crazy." She came towards him as the anger overtook her and he almost took a step back. "Not everything is about you Mulder," she said fiercely to him for the second time in her life. "I've haven't been lying to you; I've been lying to myself. I'm not fine – I'm dying. And I'm angry too, and I'm even angry with you because you're going to go on without me. I never thought it would be like this either, Mulder"</p><p>"Scully--"</p><p>"But you know what else Mulder? You're crazy. How can you stand there and lecture me about feeling unneeded when this last incident has shown me nothing except that you're willing to do anything, even sacrifice sanity or your life, to get to the truth you want? What if you had died Mulder--did you even think about that? Think about what losing you would do to me?"</p><p>Scully answered her own questions. "No--you just went after what you sought alone because you didn’t want me with you, you didn't need me, needed to punish me." Scully voice shook as the threat of new tears caused her to stammer over her words and she forced it under control. "Mulder, the only need you have is for answers and it breaks my heart that I'm not necessary to you."</p><p>Mulder now stood before her, leaning into her to speak softly as though someone would overhear him, his voice emotional, and his breath warm on her skin. The physical intimacy of his presence was pulling her near. "Scully, you're wrong. Oh God, you couldn't be more wrong, I've always wanted you with me. When I called you last Friday night, I wanted....”? Mulder broke off a moment before meeting her eyes again. "God, Scully I love you – of course I wanted you with me."</p><p>She dropped her gaze from his and looked at the deep rise and fall of his chest, remembering the sound of his heartbeat when he'd held her against him earlier. Scully wasn't sure if he even realized that he'd finally said the words in his heart. Suddenly she wondered just what they were fighting about; they were wasting time again. She looked back up at Mulder's face. "So why didn't you ever just ask me?" she asked him softly. "Were you so sure I'd say no?"</p><p>Mulder nodded at the easy answer, but after a moment he decided to tell her the entire truth. "But I was also afraid that you'd say yes," he said with equal softness. "Because if you said yes, Scully, then I'd have it all and once that happened, I didn't think I could ever go back to being alone again." Mulder moved even closer. "Would you have gone if I'd asked you, Scully?" he whispered.</p><p>Scully slowly held his gaze as she nodded, “I think so," she whispered in return. "Maybe, Oh God, I don't know," she finished unsure about whether she really would have been so brave herself. "I don't know anything anymore..." Scully's voice broke as his nearness finally overwhelmed her. "I was once so sure of every single thing in my life and now the only thing I'm sure of is that you and I are running out of time." She closed the last of the gap between them as she moved into his embrace and felt his arms move close around her. She laid her head over his heart, rubbing her face against his chest.</p><p>She felt Mulder's sigh as he held her closely against him. "We still have time Scully," he promised her. "Maybe not as much as we once thought, but we still have time."</p><p>She looked up into his face, searching his eyes and after a moment, she nodded her agreement. "Yes, we do."</p><p>Mulder bent to kiss her, breathing her name softly just as his lips touched hers, gently for a moment. But then he pulled her up into the kiss as a rough passion overtook him and all he wanted was the sweet warmth of her mouth. He felt Scully's hands move up his body as her tongue caressed his lower lip in response and he lifted his lips only to open more fully to her.</p><p>He became aware that he was gripping Scully too desperately for her comfort and he relaxed his hands as he pressed his lips hungrily to her face and throat, the deep intense pleasure of it quite literally bringing him to his knees as he drew Scully down with him.</p><p>It was in front of the fire and on the deep-down comforters hastily pulled from the back of the couch that Mulder made love to Scully for the first time. The light was warm and bright and all scars, both physical and emotional, were fully visible – there would be no hiding from each other in the soft shadows of darkness. They would shed their clothes, their inhibitions and for just a few moments anyway, their personal demons as four years of intellectual foreplay gave way to play far more primal and instinctual as the need to become one physically and as soon as possible took command.</p><p>As they knelt before each other, the need to express their feelings through the giving and taking of pleasure rather than the give and take of words became the only cohesive thought. His hand meshed deeply in her hair and the other gripped the soft curve of her rear as he drew her tight against him. Scully drew his head down to hers, and Mulder's breath was hot against her skin as he moved his lips from her mouth to touch them to her face, her neck and back to her mouth again.</p><p>Scully slowly drew away from Mulder's seeking mouth, touching her fingers to his lips, tracing their shape as he reached for her. His breath came deep and quickly as she felt the moist warmth on her fingers as he kissed them gently, drawing them into his mouth before taking her hand in his and pressing her palm to his mouth.</p><p>"Mulder," she called his name, low and sweet and he opened his eyes, his gaze questioning. Scully's emotions were torn loose and she smiled hesitatingly at him as though she wanted to say more. When he saw the look in her eyes, he smiled down at her in return, understanding exactly what she was feeling; how very strange and very unreal this all felt after all this time together. And yet, it was a singular perfect and true moment after all the years of thinking and longing. "I know, Scully," he told her in hushed tone as he lowered his lips back to hers for another taste. "But it's so good...So good."</p><p>Scully would have agreed if her tongue hadn't been busy at the moment. She moved her hands between their bodies to pull at Mulder's T-shirt. She finally caught the hem and slid it up the length of his chest, drawing her mouth from Mulder's so she could kiss his chest and lay the flat of her tongue against his nipple stroking it softly. Holding his shirt out of the way with one hand, she slowly trailed her lips across the soft down of chest hair to his other nipple and back. Mulder's head dropped back with a deep sigh. His one hand rested gently on Scully's head, simply following her movements as she kissed and suckled as he relaxed against her ministrations.</p><p>Her other hand slid down his flat belly, caressing in small circular motions, inching downward, opening his jeans. She bent further to lay kisses on his navel and into the small hair trail below, and relished hearing Mulder's contented moan as her hands stroked him. Dropping his shirt, she reached up to kiss him again as she pressed her body into Mulder's hardness, moving against him. She drew his tongue deep into her mouth, sucking on it gently, finally breaking the kiss long enough to grasp Mulder's T-shirt again and pull it off over his head before returning her mouth to his.</p><p>Mulder's breath was ragged now as she ran her hands over the smooth skin of his shoulders and back. His hands held her head as she moved her lips to the long-healed scar on his shoulder; his permanent evidence that she was capable of anything to protect him. She kissed the scar and touched it with her fingers as she raised her eyes to see him smiling gently at her. Scully returned the amused smile and kissed him again, as her hands slipped down to cup the hard curves of his butt as she felt him press into her.</p><p>As Mulder moved against her, he pushed his hands between them, reaching for the buttons on her shirt, making quick work of them. He touched each bit of newly exposed skin with his fingers and then his mouth as he undid the buttons, finally sliding the shirt from Scully's shoulders. The small lace bra that he hardly noticed the color of was gone in the next moment. Mulder touched and kissed her breasts, suckling and tongue bathing her as she'd done to him and he heard the same sounds of contentment as she now arched to meet his touch. Their hands and mouths separated only long enough to remove the last articles of clothing that separated them.</p><p>Mulder rose to his knees and pulled Scully up against him, wanting the feel of her skin against his for the first time. Scully wrapped her arms around his neck and they held on to each other for a moment, almost resting, almost proving to themselves that this was true. But Mulder couldn’t wait any longer. He'd thought to take his time and enjoy this, but he was fast losing control and one look at Scully's face told him she wanted the final completion too.</p><p>She moved from her knees, laying back into the comforter, bringing Mulder with her. He suddenly realized that he hadn't said a word to her, and somehow felt like he should, but it was too late, he was being driven by his need to possess and be possessed. He craved the release, the peace that only Scully could give him. He moved over her body as she opened to him and in one single movement, he was deep within her body. The sudden intense feeling coiled low and deep in his groin and balls and now having joined with her fully for the first time, he began to move.</p><p>He felt Scully's small but incredibly strong hands on his back and butt, pulling at him deeper as she adjusted to his thrusts, bringing her legs up and rocking up against him. He opened his eyes to look down at her and saw that her eyes were closed, her head was turned to the side, her hair tousled over her face. Her lips parted as she made beautiful sounds mingled with his name.</p><p>Mulder reached up to smooth the hair back from her face so he could see her. Come for me, Scully, he thought. He wanted to see that moment he'd imagined all this time, Scully in deepest pleasure because of him. As though she'd heard his thought, she called his name again, her breathing becoming quicker as he moved so relentlessly against her. He lifted his body back just slightly to touch her, stroke her with his fingers. As he did so, Scully opened her eyes for the first time, although they were narrow with passion, as she arched up against his hand as her stroked her with his thumb. After a moment, he slowly brought his fingers from her body to his lips, tasting her as Scully watched his movement, her lips parted. He took her and placed it down where their bodies met, moving her fingers over the bundle of nerves, a hard rub for each of his thrusts.</p><p>Oh God, she was so close, so close. "Harder," she asked just as she reached up to him, seeking his mouth upon hers.</p><p>Mulder bent to kiss her, sharing the taste and began to rock harder against her because she asked him to, lowering his full weight against her cradled body as his own heated satisfaction began to send its signals to the very ends of all his nerves. He felt Scully begin to come before she even started making the distinct sounds. He felt her rhythmic inner contractions start and then suddenly arch against him, as her legs tightened about him. Her hands gripped his body as though she could pull his soul inside her too as she cried out sharply, her eyes closing again and she tossed her head as the full roll of her orgasm hit her. "Oh God, Mulder," she cried out sharply gripping his arms to steady herself, followed by a long moan of progressing pleasure.</p><p>Oh God yes, he thought. He'd made Scully come; one the highpoints of his miserable life. Mulder let go of his last restraint and fell into bringing on his own wracking final pleasure, obliterating any other thought.</p><p>He was so close as he threw his back into his thrusts, driving hard. Dimly behind the blood heat, he heard Scully urging him on, asking him in deeper as she moved to intensify his gratification even as her own climax was easing slowly down. Within a moment, Mulder cried out as the pleasure waves traversed his entire body in overwhelming release. Oh God,</p><p>He'd taken one of her hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. And as his craving was nourished by her body, he realized that he was clutching at her fingers with fierce strength. Slowly he relaxed his death grip, but he felt her soothing hands continue to touch him as he trembled with the deep contentment of release.</p><p>Mulder supported his weight as he tried to catch his breath, he brought his hand slowly up her body, now slightly damp with sweat, as he reached up to cup her face, brushing her hair back again as he kissed her breathless again. When he drew back, they were both breathing like they'd run a foot race. Actually, they had, one that had taken years to cross this finish line.</p><p>They both lay in that drifting place of languor where rational thought didn't enter and only physical feeling was allowed until Mulder finally found the strength to withdraw from her body and shift to his back, pulling Scully against him. They remained quiet as their bodies readjusted, as breathing and heartbeats returned to normal and their minds returned from the intense high. Neither said a word because they'd just said it all and within moments sleep claimed them both, as they lay curled together as one.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>It was just a few hours later when Scully awoke tangled in the comforter. Mulder wasn't next to her, but she knew he wasn't far. She rolled over slowly feeling the slightly sore muscles of the recently well-laid. She bet Mulder's knees ached a bit and she knew that a few minor abrasions on his back. She smiled a bit--it was a good thing she was a doctor. She remembered the sounds he'd made and the look on his face as he'd called out her name as he'd come deep within her and was sure he would consider his pains as small a price as she did.</p><p>Finding his T-shirt scattered on the floor, she pulled it on, breathing deep his scent as it went over her head and fell almost to her knees when she stood up. Looking through the open French doors she saw Mulder, sitting on edge of the deck in the moonlight, wearing only sweatpants, his bare feet dug into the sand, as he looked out over the night ocean.</p><p>She came out on the deck quietly, but he sensed her presence and looked back at her. There stood a picture he'd only seen in his dreams, Scully wearing both his shirt and a deeply satisfied, but almost shy smile. He smiled in return, leaned back, and reached up for her as she approached. She came down into his arms and he kissed her. When he released her, she moved to sit between his legs and his arms went around her waist, pulling her back against his chest as she ran her hands over his arms and down his thighs. Stupidly, she felt a little bit like crying again.</p><p>"I love you, Mulder," she said instead, bringing his palm to her lips so she could kiss it.</p><p>Mulder nuzzled her neck a bit. "Yeah? Well, you're crazy," he answered in a voice low with deep affection.</p><p>Scully had to smile. "No, Mulder remember? I'm sick. You're crazy."</p><p>Mulder gave a small laugh at Scully's honest black humor. "Well, it's just as well we found each other then. We saved two other innocent people."</p><p>She looked up at him. "Well, that's our job, Mulder. Protect the innocent."</p><p>Mulder nodded as he turned serious. "Who's going to protect us?" he asked softly in her ear, as he stroked her body gently.</p><p>"There's just us Mulder. You and I are just about all we've got."</p><p>"Well, if you're all I've got, then I certainly ended up with far more than my fair share." He fell silent and his hands stilled for a moment. "I love you, Scully," he said finally. "And I promise I'll try not to ever exclude you again. I'll really try."</p><p>She nodded her acceptance of his promise knowing he really would try; it was a commitment it would keep. He might falter on occasion, but she'd never met a man who persevered more. She had her own counter offer to make as she looked back at him. "Mulder, I'm sorry you ever doubted that I need you. I'll try to do better at telling you."</p><p>Mulder nodded his head as he ran his hands along her body again and suddenly smiled. "Well, you certainly showed me in any event," his voice taking on a wicked, teasing tone. Much to his delight, even in the moonlight, he could see a guileless blush run over her skin and he loved it. He slid his hand across her flat belly and up to softly cup her breast, teasing the nipple with his thumb as she made a small noise of pleasure.</p><p>"Well good, then you know," she said as she tilted her head so he could more easily reach her neck as he kissed her there and she ran her hands down the length of his thighs and slowly moved her bottom back against him.</p><p>"Yeah, I know." He reached up with his other hand, turned her face towards him and kissed her deeply. As he held her, Mulder became increasingly convinced that somehow, they would find a way to stay together and he drew away with reluctance. God, he wanted to take her back inside and make love to her again., very slowly this time, leaving no pleasure or desire unsatiated, as though they had all the time in the world.</p><p>But because they had all that time, he decided instead to sit with her for a bit in the fresh open air, hold her close, feel her breathe and just feel the peace that came from knowing that their two separate paths had merged into just one.</p>
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